Editing Alendi's logbook

<noinclude>{{literature
|type=Journal
|author=[[Alendi]]
|language=[[Khlenni]]{{book ref|mb1|15}}
|era=Classical Scadrial
|world=Scadrial
|universe=[[Cosmere]]
|books=[[Mistborn Era 1]]
}}
{{quote
|Sometimes I worry that I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am.
|The first known sentence of the logbook.{{epigraph ref|mb1|prologue}}
}}

'''Alendi's logbook''' is a record of [[Alendi]]'s life, travels, and internal struggle accepting his assumed role as the [[Hero of Ages]].{{book ref|mb1|17}}

== Contents ==
{{quote
| If only he'd put in more detail about what things look like! [...] The Lord Ruler spent far too much time worrying.
| [[Vin]] thinking about the logbook's contents.{{book ref|mb1|29}}
}}
In the logbook, while relating his travels, Alendi ponders and questions his decisions.{{book ref|mb1|21}}{{book ref|mb1|22}} He questions whether he really is the Hero of Ages,{{epigraph ref|mb1|prologue}} and reflects on the nature of the [[Terris Prophecies]].{{book ref|mb1|22}} He also ponders what he should do as the Hero of Ages, asserting that he ''must'' give up the power no matter what.{{epigraph ref|mb1|35}}{{epigraph ref|mb1|5}} Alendi didn't write the book for posterity, but rather to have a place to put his feelings on paper, to stay sane.{{book ref|mb1|16}}

The logbook goes into detail about Alendi's travels, including several supply lists.{{book ref|mb1|22}} Though it doesn't describe all of his journey's sights in detail, the journal describes some of the things, such as the ice fields and waterfalls in [[Terris]].{{book ref|mb1|29}} It also says how the [[Deepness]] is dangerous, though it does not specify what it is.{{book ref|mb2|16}} It describes the start of Alendi's journey, and how he met [[Kwaan]].{{epigraph ref|mb1|19}} The book mentions both [[Allomancy]] and [[Feruchemy]], but it doesn't compare the two of them. It also does not mention the [[Malatium|Eleventh Metal]].{{book ref|mb1|27}}

=== The trip to the Well ===
A large section of the logbook describes Alendi's travel toward the [[Well of Ascension]] in Terris. It describes the people and some of the sights, and the path he takes through the mountains.{{epigraph ref|mb1|3}}{{epigraph ref|mb1|4}} It also describes the [[Preservation|mist spirit]]'s  appearances, and how it stabbed [[Fedik]].{{book ref|mb2|16}}{{epigraph ref|mb1|33}} The journal also describes [[Rashek]]'s feelings for Alendi and his influence among his people.{{epigraph ref|mb1|7}}{{epigraph ref|mb1|11}}

== History ==
=== The skaa rebellion ===
Vin found the logbook beside an altar when she and [[Kelsier]] snuck into [[Kredik Shaw]]. She used the book as a shield, to defend herself from the [[Inquisitor]]s.{{book ref|mb1|14}} [[Sazed]] took the book with him when he rescued Vin that night.{{book ref|mb1|15}} Sazed was very excited about the book, and immediately set out to translate it.{{book ref|mb1|17}} Throughout the course of the rebellion's progress, Sazed worked on translating the logbook and provided portions to [[Kelsier's crew]] as he completed them;{{book ref|mb1|21}} some of [[Clubs]]'s apprentices assisted by making copies of completed translations for members of the crew to read.{{book ref|mb1|17}}

The crew assumed the [[Lord Ruler]] had been the book's author, because he claimed to have been the [[Hero of Ages]] and said he must defeat the Deepness.{{book ref|mb1|17}} When Sazed was done translating it, Vin was disappointed because it had ended before speaking of what Alendi did to save the world, and Kelsier was disappointed because it didn't mention the [[Eleventh Metal]].{{book ref|mb1|29}} However, the logbook led to Vin's discovery that the Lord Ruler was Rashek, not Alendi; she found that out because both Rashek and the Lord Ruler said his people should be dominant.{{book ref|mb1|38}}

=== After the Collapse ===
After the [[Collapse]], Vin studied her copy of the logbook, trying to find out what was the [[Preservation|mist spirit]] and searching for references to the [[Deepness]].{{book ref|mb2|16}}{{book ref|mb2|17}} That led her to the conclusion that the [[mist]]s were the Deepness,{{book ref|mb2|30}} and that she was the Hero of Ages.{{book ref|mb2|33}}

== Known Text ==
'''Note:''' The precise order of all passages is uncertain.
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|{{copyright}}
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{{quote|</noinclude>
Sometimes I worry that I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am.
<br />
What proof do we have? The words of men long dead, only now deemed divinatory? Even if we accept the prophecies, only tenuous interpretation links them to me. Is my defense of the [[Summer Hill]] really the "Burden by which the Hero shall be dubbed"? My several marriages could give me a "Bloodless bond to the world's kings," if you look at it the right way. There are dozens of similar phrases that could refer to events in my life. But, then again, they could all just be coincidences.
<br />
The philosophers assure me that this is the time, that the signs have been met.  But I still wonder if they have the wrong man.  So many people depend on me.  They say I will hold the future of the entire world on my arms. What would they think if they knew that their champion — the Hero of Ages, their savior — doubted himself?
<br />
Perhaps they wouldn't be shocked at all.  In a way, this is what worries me most.  Maybe, in their hearts, they wonder — just as I do. When they see me, do they see a liar?
<br />
Rashek seems to think so. I know that I shouldn't let a simple packman perturb me. However, he is from Terris, where the prophecies originated. If anyone could spot a fraud, would it not be he?
<br />
Nevertheless, I continue my trek, going where the scribbled auguries proclaim that I will meet my destiny — walking, feeling Rashek's eyes on my back. Jealous. Mocking. Hating.
<br />
In the end, I worry that my arrogance shall destroy us all.
<br />
I consider myself to be a man of principle.  But, what man does not?  Even the cutthroat, I have noticed, considers his actions "moral" after a fashion.
<br />
Perhaps another person, reading of my life, would name me a religious tyrant.  He could call  me arrogant.  What is to make that man's opinions any less valid than my own?
<br />
I guess it all comes down to one fact: In the end, I'm the one with the armies.
<br />
If men read these words, let them know that power is a heavy burden.  Seek not to be bound by its chains.  The Terris prophecies say that I will have the power to save the world.
<br />
They hint, however, that I will have the power to destroy it as well.
<br />
We arrived in Terris earlier this week, and, I have to say, I find the countryside beautiful.  The great mountains to the north — with their bald snowcaps and forested mantles — stand like the watchful gods over this land of green fertility.  My own lands to the south are mostly flat; I think that they might look less dreary if there were a few mountains to vary the terrain.
<br />
The people are mostly herdsmen — though timber harvesters and farmers are not uncommon.  It is a pastoral land, certainly.  It seems odd that a place so remarkably agrarian could have produced the prophecies and theologies upon which the entire world now relies.
<br />
Apparently, the next stage of my quest will take us up into the highlands of Terris.  This is said to be a cold, unforgiving place — a land where the mountains themselves are made of ice.
<br />
Our normal attendants will not do for such a trip.  We should probably hire some Terris packmen to carry our gear.
<br />
I don't even understand what I'm supposed to do.  The Terris philosophers claim that I'll know my duty when the time comes, but that's a small comfort.
<br />
The Deepness must be destroyed, and apparently I'm the only one who can do so.  It ravages the world even now.  If I don't stop it soon, there will be nothing left of this land but bones and dust.
<br />
I never wanted this, true.  But somebody has to stop the Deepness.  And, apparently, Terris is the only place this can be done.
<br />
On this fact, however, I don't have to take the word of the philosophers.  I can feel our goal now, can sense it, though the others cannot.  It . . . pulses, in my mind, far off in the mountains.
<br />
Rashek is a tall man — of course, most of the Terrismen are tall.  He is young to receive so much respect from the other packmen.  He has charisma, and the women of court would probably describe him as handsome, in a rugged sort of way.
<br />
Yet, it amazes me that anyone would give heed to a man who speaks such hatred.  He has never seen Khlennium, yet he curses the city.  He does not know me, yet I can already see the anger and hostility in his eyes.
<br />
"He shall defend their ways, yet shall violate them.  He will be their savior, yet they shall call him heretic.  His name shall be Discord, yet they shall love him for it."
<br />
It amazes me how many nations have united behind our purpose.  There are still dissenters, of course — and some kingdoms, regrettably, have fallen to wars that I could not stop.
<br />
Still, this general unity is glorious, even humbling, to contemplate.  I wish that the nations of mankind hadn't required such a dire threat to make them see the value of peace and cooperation.
<br />
It seems Rashek represents a growing faction in Terris culture.  A large number of the youths think that their unusual powers should be used for more than just fieldwork, husbandry, and stonecarving.  They are rowdy, even violent — far different from the quiet, discerning Terris philosophers and holy men that I have known.
<br />
They will have to be watched carefully, these Terrismen.  They could be very dangerous, if given the opportunity and the motivation.
<br />
What would it be like if every nation — from the isles in the South to the Terris hills in the North — were united under a single government?  What wonders could be achieved, what progress could be made, if mankind were to permanently set aside its squabblings and join together?
<br />
It is too much, I suppose, to even hope for.  A single, unified empire of man?  It could never happen.
<br />
Sometimes I wonder if I'm going mad.
<br />
Perhaps it is due to the pressure of knowing that I must somehow bear the burden of an entire world.  Perhaps it is caused by the death I have seen, the friends I have lost.  The friends I have been forced to kill.
<br />
Either way, I sometimes see shadows following me.  Dark creatures that I don't understand, not wish to understand.  Are they, perhaps, some figment of my overtaxed mind?
<br />
I don't know why Kwaan betrayed me.  Even still, this event haunts my thoughts.  He was the one who discovered me; he was the Terris philosopher who first called me the Hero of Ages.  It seems ironically surreal that now — after his long struggle to convince his colleagues — he is the only major Terris holy man to preach against my reign.
<br />
Many think that my journey started in Khlennium, that great city of wonder.  They forget that I was no king when my quest began.  Far from it.
<br />
I think it would do men well to remember that this task was not begun by emperors, priests, prophets, or generals.  It didn't start in Khlennium or Kordel, not did it come from the great nations to the east or the fiery empire of the West.
<br />
It began in a small, unimportant town whose name would mean nothing to you.  It began with a youth, the son of a blacksmith, who was unremarkable in every way — except, perhaps, in his ability to get into trouble.
<br />
It began with me.
<br />
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd remained there, in that lazy village of my birth.  I'd have become a smith, like my father.  Perhaps I'd have a family, sons of my own.
<br />
Perhaps someone else would have come to carry this terrible burden.  Someone who could bear it far better than I.  Someone who deserved to be a hero.
<br />
You could say that circumstances forced me to leave my home behind — certainly, if I had stayed, I would now be dead.  During those days — running without knowing why, carrying a burden I didn't understand — I assumed that I would lose myself in Khlennium and seek a life of indistinction.
<br />
I am slowly coming to understand that anonymity, like so many other things, has already been lost to me forever.
<br />
Kwaan and I met by happenstance — though, I suppose, he would use the word "providence."
<br />
I have met many other Terris philosophers since that day.  They are, every one, men of great wisdom and ponderous sagaciousness.  Men with an almost palpable importance.
<br />
Not so Kwaan.  In a way, he is as unlikely a prophet as I am a hero.  He never had an air of ceremonious wisdom — nor was he even a religious scholar.  When we first met, he was studying one of his ridiculous interests in the great Khlenni library — I believe he was trying to determine whether or not trees could think.
<br />
That he should be the one who finally discovered the great Hero of Terris prophecy is a matter that would cause me to laugh, had events turned out just a little differently.
<br />
It isn't a shadow.
<br />
This dark thing that follows me, the thing that only I can see — It isn't really a shadow.  It's blackish and translucent, but it doesn't have a shadowlike solid outline.  It's insubstantial — wispy and formless.  Like it's made out of a dark fog.
<br />
Or mist, perhaps.
<br />
"The Hero of Ages shall be not a man, but a force.  No nation may claim him, no woman shall keep him, and no king may slay him.  He shall belong to none, not even himself."
<br />
At first, there were those who didn't think the Deepness was a serious danger, at least not to them.  However, it brought with it a blight that I have seen infect nearly every part of the land.  Armies  are useless before it.  Great cities are laid low by its power.  Crops fail, and the land dies.
<br />
This is the thing I fight.  This is the monster I must defeat.  I fear that I have taken too long.  Already, so much destruction has occurred that I fear for mankind's survival.
<br />
Is this truly the end of the world, as many of the philosophers predict?
<br />
I sleep but a few hours each night.  We must press forward, traveling as much as we can each day — but when I finally lie down, I find sleep elusive.  The same thoughts that trouble me during the day are only compounded by the stillness of night.
<br />
And, above all, I hear the thumping sounds from above, the pulsings from the mountains.  Drawing me closer with each beat.
<br />
In the end, I must trust in myself.  I have seen men who have beaten from themselves the ability to recognize truth and goodness, and I do not think I am one of them.  I can still see the tears in a young child's eyes and feel pain at his suffering.
<br />
If I ever lose this, then I will know that I've passed beyond hope of redemption.
<br />
No man dies by my hand or command except that I wish there had been another way.  Still, I kill them.  Sometimes, I wish that I weren't such a cursed realist.
<br />
I am growing so very tired.
<br />
I think I've finally discovered why Rashek resents me so very much.  He does not believe that an outsider such as myself — a foreigner — could possibly be the Hero of Ages.  He believes that I have somehow tricked the philosophers, that I wear the piercings of the Hero unjustly.
<br />
According to Rashek, only a Terrisman of pure blood should have been chosen as the Hero.  Oddly, I find myself even more determined because of his hatred. I must prove to him that I can perform this task.
<br />
Sometimes, my companions claim that I worry and question too much.  However, while I may wonder about my stature as the hero, there is one thing that I have never questioned: the ultimate good of our quest.
<br />
The Deepness must be destroyed.  I have seen it, and I have felt it.  This name we give it is too weak a word, I think.  Yes, it is deep and unfathomable, but it is also terrible.  Many do not realize that it is sentient, but I have sensed its mind, such that it is, the few times I have confronted it directly.
<br />
It is a thing of destruction, madness, and corruption.  It would destroy this world not out of spite or out of animosity, but simply because that is what it does.
<br />
The others all think I should have had Kwaan executed for betraying me.  To tell the truth, I'd probably kill him this moment if I knew where he'd gone.  At the time, however, I just couldn't do it.
<br />
The man had become like a father to me.  To this day, I don't know why he suddenly decided that I wasn't the Hero.  Why did he turn against me, denouncing me to the entire Conclave of Worldbringers?
<br />
Would he rather that the Deepness win?  Surely, even if I'm not the right one — as Kwaan now claims — my presence at the Well of Ascension couldn't possibly worse than what will happen if the Deepness continues to destroy the land.
<br />
Most of the Terrismen are not as bad as Rashek.  However, I can see that they believe him, to an extent.  These are simple men, not philosophers or scholars, and they don't understand that their own prophecies say the Hero of Ages will be an outsider.  They only see what Rashek points out — that they are an ostensibly superior people, and should be "dominant" rather than subservient.
<br />
Before such passion and hatred, even good men can be deceived.
<br />
Other men worry whether or not they will be remembered. I have no such fears; even disregarding the Terris prophecies, I have brought such chaos, conflict, and hope to this world that there is little chance that I will be forgotten.
<br />
I worry about what they will say of me.  Historians can make what they wish of the past.  In a thousand year' time, will I be remembered as the man who protected mankind from a powerful evil?  Or, will I be remembered as a tyrant who arrogantly tried to make himself a legend?
<br />
Though many Terrismen express a resentment of Khlennium, there is also envy.  I have heard the packmen speak in wonder of the Khlenni cathedrals, with their amazing stained-glass windows and broad halls.  They also seem very fond of our fashion — back in the cities, I saw that many young Terrismen had traded in their furs and skins for well-tailored gentlemen's suits.
<br />
We are close now.  Oddly, this high in the mountains, we seem to finally be free from the oppressive touch of the Deepness.  It has been quite a while since I knew what that was like.
<br />
The lake that Fedik discovered is below us now — I can see it from the ledge.  It looks even more eerie from up here, with its glassy — almost metallic — sheen.  I almost wish I had let him take a sample of its waters.
<br />
Perhaps his interest was what angered the mist creature that follows us.  Perhaps . . . that was why it decided to attack him, stabbing him with its invisible knife.
<br />
Strangely, the attack comforted me.  At least I know that since another has seen it.  That means I'm not mad.
<br />
I never wanted to be feared.
<br />
If I regret one thing, it is the fear I have caused.  Fear is the tool of tyrants.  Unfortunately, when the fate of the world is in question, you use whatever tools are available.
<br />
I know what will happen if I make the wrong choice.  I must be strong; I must not take the power for myself.
<br />
For I have seen what will happen if I do.
<br />
I have decided that I am thankful for Rashek's hatred.  It does me well to remember that there are those who abhor me.  My place is not to seek popularity or love; my place is to ensure mankind's survival.
<br />
Is there anything more beautiful than the sun?  I often watch it rise, for my restless sleep usually awakens me before dawn.
<br />
Each time I see its calm yellow light peeking above the horizon, I grow a little more determined, a little more hopeful.  In a way, it is the thing that has kept me going all this time.
<br />
Oddly, on occasion, I sense a peacefulness within.  You would think that after all I have seen — after all that I have suffered — my soul would be a twisted jumble of stress, confusion, and melancholy.  Often, it's just that.
<br />
But then, there is the peace.
<br />
I feel it sometimes, as I do now, staring out over the frozen cliffs and glass mountains in the still of the morning, watching a sunrise that is so majestic that I know that none shall ever be its match.
<br />
If there are prophecies, if there is a Hero of Ages, then my mind whispers that there must be something directing my path.  Something is watching; something cares.  These peaceful whispers tell me a truth I wish very much to believe.
<br />
If I fail, another shall come to finish my work.
<br />
It’s almost over.
<br />
We can see the cavern from our camp. It will take a few more hours of hiking to reach it, but I know that it is the right place. I can feel it somehow, feel it up there…pulsing, in my mind.
<br />
It’s so cold. I swear that the rocks themselves are made of ice, and the snow is deep enough in places that we have to dig our way through. The wind blows all the time. I fear for Fedik—he hasn’t been quite the same since the creature made of mist attacked him, and I worry that he will wander off a cliffside or slip through one of the many icy rifts in the ground.
<br />
The Terrismen, however, are a wonder. It is fortunate that we brought them, for no regular packmen would have survived the trip. The Terrismen don’t seem to mind the cold—something about their strange metabolisms gives them a supernatural ability to resist the elements. Perhaps they have “saved up” heat from their bodies for later use?
<br />
They won’t talk about their powers, however—and I am sure that Rashek is to blame. The other packmen look to him for leadership, though I don’t think he has complete control over them. Before he was stabbed, Fedik feared that the Terrismen would abandon us up here in the ice. I don’t think that will happen, however. I am here by providence of Terris prophecies—these men will not disobey their own religion simply because one of their number has taken a dislike to me.
<br />
I did finally confront Rashek. He did not want to speak to me, of course, but I forced him. Unleashed, he spoke at great length regarding his hatred of Khlennium and my people. He thinks that we have turned his people into little more than slaves. He thinks that Terrismen deserve far more—he keeps saying that his people should be “dominant” because of their supernatural powers.
<br />
I fear his words, for I see some truth in them. Yesterday, one of the packmen lifted a boulder of enormous size, then tossed it out of our way with an almost casual throw. I have not seen such a feat of strength in all my days.
<br />
These Terrismen could be very dangerous, I think. Perhaps we have treated them unfairly. However, men like Rashek must be contained—he irrationally believes that all people outside of Terris have oppressed him. He is such a young man to be so angry.
<br />
It is so cold. When this is finished, I think I should like to live where it is warm all year. Braches has told of such places, islands to the south where great mountains create fire.
<br />
What will it be like, when this is all over? I will be just a regular man again. An unimportant man. It sounds nice—more desirable, even, than a warm sun and a windless sky. I am so tired of being the Hero of Ages, tired of entering cities to find either armed hostility or fanatic adoration. I am tired of being loved and hated for what a bunch of old men say I will eventually do.
<br />
I want to be forgotten. Obscurity. Yes, that would be nice.
<br />
If men read these words, let them know that power is a heavy burden. Seek not to be bound by its chains. The Terris prophecies say that I will have the power to save the world. They hint, however, that I will have the power to destroy it as well.
<br />
I will have the ability to fulfill any wish of my heart. “He will take upon himself authority that no mortal should hold.” Yet, the philosophers warned me that if I am self-serving with the power, my selfishness will taint it.
<br />
Is this a burden that any man should bear? Is this a temptation any man could resist? I feel strong now, but what will happen when I touch that power? I will save the world, certainly—but will I try to take it as well?
<br />
Such are my fears as I scribble with an ice-crusted pen on the eve before the world is reborn. Rashek watches. Hating me. The cavern lies above. Pulsing. My fingers quiver. Not from the cold.
<br />
Tomorrow, it will end.
<noinclude>|Alendi's Journal}}
|}

== Trivia ==
* [[Rashek]] didn't destroy the journal because [[Ruin]] manipulated his nostalgia in order to keep the book around.{{wob ref|4416}}
* The [[The Final Empire/Epigraphs|epigraphs]] of the first [[Mistborn (series)|Mistborn]] book, ''[[The Final Empire]]'', are excerpts from the logbook.

== Notes ==
<references />
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{{Mistborn|Era 1}}
[[category: Objects and Materials]]
[[category: possessive articles]]